Part IV: "Took You Long Enough"

Hi,

Often times, in order for us to understand where we are and where we're headed, it's important to know how we got here. You, if memory serves us correctly, will also remember this night as the moment that sparked an unbelievable, unexpected, and indescribable journey that cannot and will not ever be repeated, nor can it be written or scripted with any additional zest or titillation. That, and the fact that both of us will never be intertwined in a beauty pageant, ever again.

Back in the box where I lived, or as my coworkers affectionately coined, my rathole of an apartment, my clothes were neatly placed on my espresso-colored wooden futon. Jeans, check. Jacket, check. Listerine citrus dissolving strips, check. (You had gone through my entire pack the night you were inebriated.) Digital camera, check. Time to bring out the best, lucky underwear, I thought to myself. "The tighty whities", I mumbled. (When I'm alone, I talk to myself on occasion.) Nothing would be left to chance. I looked in the mirror, gave myself a quick pep talk, and boom, hit the front door.

Back at the bar, "The Cellar", it was dress rehearsal. "No, like this!", quipped Jennifer. She brushed her hand slowly and deliberately across the back of my neck. A slight tingle. Nice. I had done this hundreds of times. What am I doing? I don't need practice - perhaps I was merely out of practice.

"You know what? I'm ready to go and I don't need any coaching or practice. I'm just going to walk up to her and do it. Not only that, but I hope everyone is standing in the hallway watching me show this asshole up. I don't give a fuck!" Show time. Enter stage right.

I remember clearly being extremely nervous and apprehensive about the whole situation. Sneaking into a hotel isn't exactly a forte of mine, neither is the brazen attitude I had recently embraced. This was the new me - the swing for the fences, I don't care what anyone thinks about me, regret nothing, reborn and rewired, Jason. Or as you would refer to me - Shady. Shady was a persona created by you and was perpetuated by your insinuations of assumed sketchiness and random conversations about my mysteriously private life. I was merely hanging on to the rails for the ride. I won't lie. I enjoyed it and relished in my new found bravado.

As I took the elevator up to the 18th floor and waited for a few moments, while staring straight into the security cameras, mounted on each floor of the Hilton, my heart was beating as quickly as I could last remember. I chuckled to myself, thinking, "I'm going to get in trouble. Hell yeah!" We exchanged a few text messages. Well, mostly from you being anxious and probably bored out of your mind in that room with that wretched pageant roommate of yours.

11:04pm Call me when ure here
11:27pm Whats takin so long
11:43pm I'm on 18

I heard the door opening and saw you wearing your beige, inner-lining, fleece from your blue Columbia jacket - the one you always wore and were so passionately attached to. We had finally found each other on the 18th floor, and the outdoor balcony was to be our sanctuary of freedom from the likes of the eagerly strict and overzealous pageant head escort, Dillon aka Babsy. Luckily, one of us, notably I, was thinking clearly, and refuted your suggestion of sneaking into your room, while Babsy was 10 feet away from your room entrance, sitting in plain sight, as I poked my head out from the end of the 19th floor hallway. What was I to do, sneak into your room and hide in the bathroom, while your roommate was humming that God-awful Brazilian song of hers for the 67th time? One of us had to be thinking coherently that night.

Knowing my impeccable memory of conversations and random trivia, I have to admit that I don't recall all that we talked about that night out on the balcony. I remember it being cold and I had my velvet-lappeled blazer on. We could see the thick fog rolling over the Transamerica pyramid from our unique view. You were grabbing onto my arm, interlocked, in our attempt to stay warm and coherent. We talked about the lameness of our adventures in the pageant and the mumblings of "us" from everyone else, especially with regards to your drunken incident two nights ago. However demure and prudish we thought the whole pageant was, it did provide the gossip and drama that entertained and sustained our conversation that night. We were interrupted a few times from Katie calling you, wondering what we were doing.

As we were approaching our goodbye, I thought to myself, "This is going to be the last night I ever see her again". My incessant scheming had brought about this movie-like thought of an arrogant plan to walk up to you and kiss you in front of Babs, for the whole floor to see, return your camera, which by the way, was the key item in our adventure. Obviously plans don't always work out accordingly, so I had to go to plan B. The only problem was plan B didn't exist.

I stood there in the stairwell, looking at your sweet, angel face, which always seemed to have a bit of a smirk. There was always an unassuming grace about you. You looked at me and said, "Well, this is goodbye." and proceeded to give me a hug. I did not reciprocate, but merely held my hand out for a high-five. There you were, both arms around my neck, hugging me sincerely, and I have my hands to my side, with my head turned, shaking back and forth, as if to tell you that we were not going to end this right here, not now. I don't know what inspired this reaction from me or how this high-five notion was derived, but it seemed to flow perfectly in creating the sparks and anticipation I knew were to come in the next few seconds.

You looked back at me with a bit of disdain. "You're not even going to hug me goodbye!"

I responded, "Goodbyes are sad and I'm very bad at them." No one is a "goodbye expert".

Your cell phone rang, Dillon was looking for you. You picked up and told him you were outside, at the balcony, talking to your mom. You spoke to him while staring at me with the face of concern, mixed in with mischief, not letting me know what face you made when you fibbed. Once you hung up, I knew the moment of truth had arrived. With incredible amounts of nervousness, I could feel my heart beating outside of my chest, while my breath rate increased drastically. I had kissed girls before, but this feeling of trepidation was novel. This was special.

With your glowing stare, you voiced, "Ok, last chance. I gotta go."

To what felt like a run or a brisk walk towards you, I rushed over. I parted your hair from the left side of your face and reached for the side of your neck, while my right hand caressed your cheeks. I could feel the thumb of my right hand touching your ear, holding you steady, but not too tight. Looking directly at you, I saw your eyes close as my head leaned to the right, signaling my eyes to close as well. I gently licked my lips to moisten them. Mmmmmm. I was Bermuda triangled in the moment (See, contrary to your recurring comments, I, for once, did not ruin the moment).

My thoughts were scattered. I could only manage short sentences and thoughts in my head. They were coherent, but felt like a game of pong, with the dot being my thoughts, bouncing at different angles to and fro, back and forth. You smelled so good. Your cheeks sparkled from the eye shadow that you used. The glitter spread onto your face. It was my favorite. I noticed the bump on your nose. I thought of it as a unique mark of yours. I couldn't help but stare at it. I was oddly attracted to it. Mainly because it was part of you.

It was nearly ten days of staring at your lips, wondering how soft and supple they would feel against mine. The buildup and anticipation to this moment was monumental, at least in my eyes. At that moment, all thoughts escaped my mind. Sweet and utter bliss are the words to describe our kiss. We stood there for what felt like 30 seconds, our lips melting together. I could feel your body pressed against mine as we continued our goodbye kiss.

"Now that was better than a hug, huh?" were the next words that came out of me.

"Took you long enough!" were yours.

The next few text messages from you were telling and quite demonstrative of your bluntness (these are exactly as they appeared on my cell phone).

1:12am - Ill come out later
1:18am - Took you long enough
2:26am - Of course i am, can't tell if theyre still out there. Sam man is showerin
2:38am - Ill tough it out a bit longer in case.
2:39am - Shit theyre still up!
2:42am - I know! So trapped
2:56am - Did u fall asleep buddy
3:02am - Sketchball. So lucky ure free
3:03am - Ure gfriends, all 2 of them
3:05am - Ugh fuckers r still up


The Beginning.

I had no premonition our beginning would lead to what was to become, "us". However short-lived we were, I feel it was the most amazing summer of my life. I'm not sure if you will ever read this blog or if you ever need to. Our lives are now divergent from one another and my musings here are merely to remind me of the incredible moments. Maybe when we're old and gray, we will look back to this moment and it will, at the very least, bring us both a simple smile.

This is goodbye,
Shady.